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Many people ask me “Why do I need to be able to negotiate the price of my house? Won’t my agent do that for me?” It seems logical doesn’t it? After all, negotiating is one of the top 5 services buyers expect real estate agents to perform for them.

The interesting thing is that there is almost no negotiation training required to be a real estate agent. I am a real estate agent and have completed significant additional training beyond the minimum requirements. I can tell you that almost all of my training in negotiation has come from outside of the real estate industry.

That being said, some real estate agents are excellent negotiators. They have picked up the skills over years in the industry, they understand buyers and sellers, and they have the skills to negotiate proficiently for either party. But in my experience, these agents are few and far between. Many real estate agents think they know how to negotiate but don’t. They assume that because they been in the industry for a couple of years, they have picked it up. This is unlikely.

Unless you have specific training in negotiation, it is not easy to “pick it up.” Skilled negotiators know how to set up a climate where the other party feels like they won in the negotiation. So if an agent feels like they have done decent in negotiations in the past, they were probably dealing with a skilled negotiator that knew how to set up a climate where the agent felt like they won. The agent may feel like because the seller paid a few thousand dollars in closing costs, they negotiated a great deal for their buyer. They don’t realize the seller priced their property $15,000 above their minimum acceptable price and came out significantly ahead when they just had to give closing costs.

You must have a basic understanding of negotiation in order to protect your money. Learning a few principles and skills can save (or make, depending on how you want to look at it) you tens of thousands of dollars on the price of your home. With a little practice, you can pick these skills up relatively quickly and you will make money (or save money) for life. Don’t wait though. When you are negotiating for your home, it is too late to practice. And by all means don’t leave a substantial amount of your money the hands of someone else.

Everyone tells you “should not” worry about how you present yourself and what others will think of you. Not worry about your self-presentation? Nonsense! It is both adaptive and essential that you be concerned about the impressions you make in not only social situations but also in your business. First impressions are what influence others to want to interact with you. This means you need to be aware of it and motivated to make them represent the best of you to your audience.

What can help you create ongoing best impressions?

You need to know and follow the norms for any particular context and the role you occupy in it. They may have different assigned behaviors and expectations. If they are new to you, learn about them ahead of time rather than just assuming you know what to do. Not meeting them is like talking on a cell phone during a funeral which will get you labeled as a “tacky,” “dumb,” or “ignorant.”

You need always to present yourself positively and confidently but with a touch of modesty. While you can disclose and refer to yourself, you need to keep the focus on the other person. You are listening to learn about the other person’s concerns and to find any similarities. Similarities enhance attractiveness. When you are seen as similar in some areas, the other person will assume there are many more areas of positive similarity. Similarities are important for creating rapport.

When you get people to talk about themselves, you can use what they say to tailor your presentation to focus on the perceived values and preferences of the other person. You are looking for areas for connecting and bonding. Remember: Even if the person is putting you to sleep, you need to practice civil attention by appearing involved and attentive. Appearing the least bit inattentive or disinterested in the conversation or topic erases any good feelings you have already created.

Your self-presentation needs to be consistent with your beliefs and attitudes and consistent across situations. It is necessary to share yourself as you are rather than as a chameleon. Taking on the attitudes and beliefs of whoever your audience is at the moment smacks of deception and manipulation. Such behavior immediately squelches trust. Likewise, fabrication of anything in your self-presentation, whether in speaking or in writing, however minor, makes it nearly impossible to recover your trustworthiness.

Your self-presentation helps you define a positive relationship between you and your audience. It enables your public to confidently know you in advance, feel comfortable with you, and know what to expect of you in further interactions.